You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
