just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
