So drunk its hurt
I wannas sexs uuuuu
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
