i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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