Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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