I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
