Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
