Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
