yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Randomize
