i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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