I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
