my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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