fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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