So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
