Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
