so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
