TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
