im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
