im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
