You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
