Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
