its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize