DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize
