Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
