I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
