OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
