I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
