Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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