Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
