Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
