??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Randomize
