I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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