We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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