i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
