idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
