It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
