don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
