scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
