i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
