My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
