either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
