That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
