No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
