I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
