remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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