my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
