Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
