How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
