My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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