last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
