Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
