I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I think people are normalizing furries
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
