I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
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