So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
