I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
