The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I fill condoms, not promises.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
