like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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