I want to walk on stilts...naked
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
