no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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