I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
