i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
