Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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