The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
