I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
