Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
