Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Randomize
