I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
