I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
