From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
